Most, if not all, of the places who have tellies but no Sky seem to be pushing it. Otherwise the best bet is the George Canning, a rare example of a rugby-friendly pub and the unofficial clubhouse of King’s College Rugby.

Music ranges from sublime to, as Phil G says, masturbatory. Signing up to their newsletter and getting the heads up on who’s playing makes it a little less hit and miss. I hadn’t checked before going last night and my heart sank a bit when I got in — as far as I’m concerned the only place for a jazz flute is a bottom. There was some nice moments nonetheless. Stayed for the first set, a bit of scoff and a couple of cheap beers then went home for an early night. I’m getting old.

RUGBY RUGBY RUGBY!

Jane Austen 92004 passed through Camberwell yesterday — how cool is that? — drawing a long train of prefabricated heavy-girder reinforcements, presumably for construction, probably pulled all the way fom continental Europe.

This is massive metalwork, not the relatively spindly fabrications done by Thames Reinforcements of Sheerness — put “reinforcements Sheerness” into Google and you will just get an explanation of sheerness and denier in hosiery, but that is an another story, compelling in a different, Rowan Pelling sort of way.

The buldgingly phallic Class 92s are really something — powerful, complex and expensive. They were built 1993–96 mainly by Brush and were completed in the Brush erecting workshops in Loughborough.

They have a massive, massive power potential of 6,760 horsepower and were designed to haul heavily industrial-weight goods trains through Eurotunnel. They are all named after European writers and composers — Beethoven had the honour pulling the last train to run under the British Rail flag.

Perhaps he will join Jane Austen once more in a nationalised rail network! Perhaps Jon Cruddas, the brilliant, clear-sighted and crystal-minded MP for Dagenham, born in Helston, Cornwall, will be the next Labour leader and Prime Minister in a world where socialism has been totally vindicated — who would have thought it?

Who would have thought the evils of capitalism would be most grotesquely and grimly showcased in the former Soviet Union, of all vast places?

VIVA JANE!

BIRD LIVES!

Last time some jazzheads on the table next to me derided the gig as “masturbatory”, so you could try that too!

1. Get there early.

2. Don’t eat beforehand.

3. Even then share a meal with someone else as the portions are huge. *

4. Don’t be shocked if you get change for a tenner for a round of drinks. Bar prices really are reasonable.

5. Enjoy.ª

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* This also means there is more to round for everyone else as they always seem to run out of food.

ª Unless it happens to be “thrash fusion jazz” in which case throw your food at them and tell the band to grow up!